Bereavement
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To console is to comfort, to soothe, to provide solace, or allay sorrow or grief. A condolence letter or note is an expression of sympathy to a person who has experienced pain, grief or a misfortune; it may be one of the most meaningful acts of kindness and compassion you can give to a grieving person.
A simple condolence letter or note can be a great source of comfort and provide a gift of healing for anyone who is grieving a loss. Well-written condolences can help ease feelings of pain following the death of a love one. To paraphrase the lyrics to an old BeeGee's song, "It's only words, and words are all I have to take your ache away."
Bereaved people will acknowledge that condolence notes or sympathy letters from friends become some of their most meaningful mementos of a difficult time.
They may read these treasured letters of condolence over again days, weeks or years after the loss, to re-experience the loving thoughts and tender memories written by caring friends. Letters of condolence become treasured mementos to save, cherish and pass down through the family.
A condolence letter or sympathy note may be one of the most challenging correspondences to write, but sending a message of compassion can also be a worthwhile experience. The benefit of sending condolence letters is often more clearly understood once you have been in a position of receiving condolence letters.
Purpose of a Condolence Letter or Sympathy Note
A condolence letter serves two main purposes:
1. To offer tribute to the deceased.
2. To be a source of comfort to the survivors.
Basic Guidelines for Writing the Paper Condolence Call
Condolence letters should be written and sent promptly, within two weeks after the death. Your message should be neatly hand written on stationery or if sending as a condolence note, inserted into a beautiful card.
The most effective condolence letters are the ones written as though you were actually talking with the grieving person. Write the way you would normally speak to the person. Well-written letters or notes are more like a conversation on paper. Think of the condolence letter as being a visit on paper or a written condolence call. Ideally, the person reading your letter should feel as though you were sitting with him/her.
Components of a Condolence Letter
Zunin and Zunin, a husband and wife team and authors of The Art of Condolence studied thousands of condolence letters to determine how they were organized. They identified seven key components to include when writing a condolence letter.
1. Acknowledge the loss and the name of the deceased.
2. Express your sympathy.
3. Note special qualities of the deceased.
4. Include a memory of the deceased.
5. Remind the bereaved of their personal strengths or special qualities.
6. Offer help, but make sure it is a specific offer.
7. End the letter with a thoughtful word, a hope, a wish or expression of sympathy e.g. "You are in my thoughts and prayers." ("Sincerely," "love," or "fondly," may not be the best choices.)
Components of a Condolence Note
There may be times, when you prefer expressing your sympathy in a short note instead of a longer letter. Write a brief personal note on a commercial condolence card or insert a brief hand-written note into a card with soothing imagery. When writing a shorter condolence note, Zunin and Zunin, authors of The Art of Condolence recommend including components 1, 2, 3 & 7, four of the seven key components:
1. Acknowledge the loss and the name of the deceased.
2. Express your sympathy.
3. Note special qualities of the deceased.
7. End the letter with a thoughtful word, a hope, a wish or expression of sympathy e.g. "You are in my thoughts and prayers." ("Sincerely," "love," or "fondly," may not be the best choices.) |